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Is your spouse too controlling? Are you too passive? Or are the roles reversed? Either way, if conclusions in your marriage are ordinarily a “tug of war” struggle and the same collaborator either closely always wins or closely always gives in, then your marriage is being impacted by control issues. Control issues refer to who’s in control, who’s in charge, or who’s getting their way. What’s at stake is the power in the kinship and how divergences are resolved. It’s inconceivable to exclusively refrain from all control issues in a relationship. Whether you have severe control troubles in your marriage will depend on the frequency and intensity of the control issues that arise. But substantial control issues are destructive to a relationship. Here are ten reasons you need to be concerned if you have unsolved control difficulties in your marriage: 1. Control issues set up a parent-child kinship or dictatorship in the marriage. This shows a lack of trust and respect for the partner’s feelings, preferences, and judgment. 2. Relationships based on “one-up-man-ship” are constructed on the “winner-loser” model. This isn’t what you want to have in a healthful relationship. You want to give rise to a “win-win” model. 3. The “winner” of the control struggle is viewed as “strong,” while the “loser” is viewed as “weak.” This dynamic isn’t helpful to your relationship. It tears down your sentiment of closeness and intimacy rather of building it up. 4. By stifling individuality and freedom, you run the risk of smothering and stifling the very things that you value most–your spouse and your marriage. When one person makes the majority of the decisions, new ideas and honorable sensations and reactions are suppressed. 5. Control issues bestow to increasing the anger, resentment, and bitterness in the relationship. This is the natural spin-off of sentiment disrespected or controlled by an individual else. 6. Thinking your mate must be just like you harms your relationship, as does looking at your mate as an extension of yourself. This squelches individuality and freedom and keeps your mate from living up to his or her potential. 7. Passive collaborators often become passive-aggressive when they are in a kinship with a more controlling partner. This gets in the way of honest, direct communication. They “forget” to keep a promise to the spouse or conveniently sabotage the spouse’s attempts in numerous way. 8. An overly-controlling spouse sets up dynamics in the kinship that inspires the more passive collaborator to sneak around and hide things rather than risk confrontation. For example, a passive spouse may secretly phone a friend who she (or he) knows the collaborator doesn’t want her to have any contact with. 9. Control conflict in a marriage inspires the game of “catch me if you can.” In this game, the passive collaborator tries to defy or get around the controller’s rules. This may become a game of sorts within the relationship. 10. Unexpressed anger and resentment accumulate, and in the long run the passive mate may rebel and determine there’s not one thing to lose by getting defiant or ending the marriage. This brings out the controlling tendency of the spouse even more, and his (or her) attempts to control the “rebellion” make things worse. Any vestige of being on the same “team” is now gone, and the collaborators may feel like adversaries. Trying to control your mate–actions, thoughts, feelings–will always boomerang ultimately and will have a destructive effect on your relationship. It’s primary to comprehend the kinship dynamics that are invented when power and decision-making is out-of-balance in a marriage. That’s the primary step to getting more conscious and welleducated with regards to the subject so that you may evaluate your kinship and determine if you need to make any personal changes.
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